Oh, hey. You may have noticed we haven’t really been updating Laughspin in any consistent or meaningful way since June. Sure, we posted Dana Gould’s brilliant keynote address from the latest installment of the Just For Laughs festival in Montreal. But, really, that was about it.
Some of you have reached out asking what’s up. And someone even took the time to post on Reddit about the lack of hot comedy action on Laughspin. That was nice of that person. So, for those of you who care, here’s what’s going on.
I’m exhausted. Physically and mentally exhausted.
Laughspin has always been me— and a very small handful of very talented and dedicated comedy lovers. And it’s a tremendous amount of work. The site launched on Sept. 15, 2005 as PunchlineMagazine.com. I created it with the help of childhood friend Bill Bergmann, who designed the site and, to this day, helps me out with the technical side of things. I re-launched and re-branded the site in the summer of 2011. Laughspin was born. That was fun.
But after 10 years of running the site as if it’s my full-time job – when it never was – I’ve decided to put the site on hiatus. The time and energy it takes to run the site is immense, especially while trying to balance a full-time job, a marriage and two small children.
While the site does make some money on ads – enough to keep the site up and running – it doesn’t make anywhere near what I would need to live like the responsible adult I am. And that’s only been the last few years. I’ll never make back the thousands upon thousands of my own money I invested those first seven years or so. No regrets. I’m not complaining. (Some regrets).
In order for the site to make real money, we’d have to bring in about 500k + unique visitors a month; we do about half that. Which is great—if the person running the site is happy with sacrificing every second of free time and peace of mind for a project that breaks even. Which I’m not. Anymore. I was. For 10 years. Now, I’m not.
I’ve had some great experiences covering the world of comedy; I’ve got to hang out with some of my heroes. I interviewed legends and up and comers long before anyone gave a shit about stand-up comedy the way people give a shit about musicians, athletes and actors. I’ll spare you the epic-length hyper-sentimental missive about all of that—mainly because I’m not sure what the future holds for Laughspin. “Hiatus” doesn’t mean the end. It means I need a break.
Given the proper financing and infrastructure, Laughspin could (and should) be an amazing (and bankable) online hub for all things comedy. If someone or some entity with money has the balls to take a chance on an already-established, respected niche brand, by all means get in touch. I know where I want to take Laughspin, but it’s not happening by bootstrapping anymore. And those hilarious articles in Entrepreneur about snagging money from friends and family are just that– hilarious. So that’s not an option, either.
For the time being, I will keep Laughspin alive online. I’ll post stories from our archives and maybe we’ll even post some brand new opinion pieces. But Laughspin will not be updated multiple times a day as it once was.
For those of you who were with me from the very beginning, please know I appreciate your support. And to everyone else that made Laughspin a daily, weekly, monthly, occasional visit– I thank you. To the contributors, especially Emma, Billy P. and Carrie– thank you. And to Mike G., whom without, The Laughspin Podcast would have never existed– thank you.
Feel free to leave a comment, suggestion, number to a good life coach below.
I’ll be around, just not as much.
MONTREAL — Dana Gould, veteran comedian, comedy writer and all-around massively respected artist, delivered the annual keynote address here at Just For Laughs today. Below is the complete, unedited audio. Enjoy!
A poor French bulldog learned the hard way that her bullmastiff friend is more loyal to her human than her fellow canine. An adorable video shows the bullmastiff pointing the finger (err.. paw) at the bulldog when asked who created a toilet paper mess in their home.
The video begins with the French Bulldog completely wrapped in toilet paper. But her owner is apparently not amused at the adorable sight.
“Is that what you want?” the human asks. “You want to wear that toilet paper all day long? Did you make this mess?
The bulldog just sits there with an innocent look on her face. So the human moves on to the bullmastiff, asking, “Did she make this mess? Did she do this? Who did it? Who made this mess?”
And this bullmastiff has no problems ratting out her pal. She shuffles around a bit before pointing a paw at the bulldog.
“She pointed at you,” the human tells the bulldog. “Did you make this mess, Abby?” At that point, Abby could only bow her head in shame.
So far, few details are available about this video. So we don’t know what happened to the French bulldog, or if she is still friends with the bullmastiff that ratted her out. But we doubt the human could stay mad at that adorable bulldog face for very long.
But no matter the outcome, the clip has clearly resonated with audiences. So far, the video of the bulldog ratting out the bullmastiff has more than 1.1 million views on YouTube in just three days.
Girl Shoots Tooth Out Of Her Mouth Using Slingbow: Watch Shocking Video Of 11-Year-Old Alexis Davidson Removing One Of Her Baby Teeth
The video begins with young Davidson’s father, alligator wrestler Jason McDonald, bragging that the world was about to see the first tooth extraction via slingbow. A smiling Davidson then attached the bow’s string to the tooth in question and shot it out of her mouth. Davidson then raised her arms in victory. And McDonald was there to capture the whole thing in slow motion video.
“We were trying to think of a neat way to help her pull her last few remaining baby teeth,” McDonald said of the slingbow video. “Alexis is a special kid, she does a lot of crazy stuff with me, like walking the slack line over a pool of alligators. I never push her to do anything, but I do encourage her, any time you get the chance to be the first ever to do something, I think you should take that chance.”
Some people have accused McDonald and Davidson of faking this viral slingbow video. But McDonald insisted on Instagram that this is not the case.
“Lol got haters claiming this is fake,” he wrote. “Um do you think I glued that tooth to her gum? Lol some people will never be happy and that’s ok. She is super excited about all the positive comments she got and we gives no F#CK about the haters.”
Now the only question is what Alexis Davidson will do to remove her other baby teeth. After all, as McDonald wrote on Instagram, she still has a few left in her mouth. It will certainly be tough to beat this slingbow video!
Russell Brand Moving To Syria? After His Tunisia Attack Trews Video, Critics Start Campaign To Buy Comedian One-Way Ticket
Is Russell Brand moving to Syria? Fans in England have started a petition for him to go to the Middle East permanently following his controversial Trews video about the Tunisia massacre.
But Russell Brand did not appreciate this gesture. In his latest video on his Trews YouTube channel, he denounced the moment of silence for the Tunisia victims and blamed the British government for the attack.
“Does that one minute silence mean anything or is it an empty and futile gesture and part of a general policy of bulls–t so that our government can continue selling arms around the world and perpetuating a cycle where its own needs are met at the expense of its own citizens’ lives,” Brand said.
Russell Brand later added in this Trews video: “If you respect those people then demand that your government stops selling arms to countries on its own human rights abuse list. Demand that your country stops carrying out foreign wars on behalf of corporations. It will have a lot more impact than one minute’s silence.”
Naturally, this led to plenty of backlash from Russell Brand in his native country. But he refused to back down. During his new stand-up show, he even mocked some of the critics of his Trews video. In particular, he brought up one online commenter who said of Brand, “If he feels so strongly why does he not go and live in Syria and I would pay his fare for him. Anyone else contribute?”
Several petitions have emerged to raise money for a one-way plane ticket to Syria. While a GoFundMe page has apparently been deleted, there are still campaigns on Change.org and IPetitions. And while not many people have signed these petitions yet, Twitter users are definitely in favor of Russell Brand moving to Syria.
— MichaelDickson (@michaeldickson) July 4, 2015
Can someone ship Russell Brand off to Syria?
— Peek. (@BennyPeek) July 4, 2015
@mizzaggie I am willing to drive him to the border, on condition that he doesn’t speak too much!
— Fitzjimi (@fitzjimi) July 4, 2015
— Kyle W. Orton (@KyleWOrton) July 4, 2015
Paris Hilton Plane Crash Prank Funny? Watch Video Of Egyptian Ramez Galal Making Socialite Think She’s Going To Die In Airplane Accident
The joke was set up by Egyptian actor Ramez Galal, host of the prank series Ramez In Control. As part of the show, Galal invited Hilton to a supposed hotel opening in Dubai. At one point, he then invites her onto a small plane so they can take a tour of the city. Shortly after takeoff, alarms go off inside the plane, and Hilton starts freaking out.
The plane then seems to plummet towards the ground, which just leads to more screams and cries from Paris Hilton. And the other passengers (who were presumably in on the plane crash prank) similarly start panicking. Someone even throws a passenger out the back door in a last-ditch rescue effort. But Hilton is reluctant to follow suit.
“I don’t want to jump,” she screams. “I’m not jumping.”
But instead of crashing, the plane lands safely on the ground. Only then does Galal say that it was all a prank. “We love you,” he tells her.
Yet the feeling might not be mutual after this plane crash prank. “I’m going to kill you,” Paris Hilton tells the host through tears. “I almost thought I was going to die. That’s been my biggest fear my whole life, dying in a plane.”
Galal, however, did not regret his plane crash prank. Instead, he seemed thrilled when Hilton admitted his stunt was crazier than anything done on similar TV shows.
Some are wondering if Paris Hilton actually did know about the prank in advance. But she insisted on Twitter that this was not the case. “Scariest moment of my life,” she tweeted alongside an article about the prank. “I really believed the plane was going to crash & we were all going to die.”
Watch video of the Paris Hilton plane crash prank below!
CNN thought it had found an exclusive story about an ISIS flag being waved during a Gay Pride event. Just one problem: The flag was actually a fake. Instead of Arabic symbols, it featured dildos and butt plugs.
The moment in question took place Saturday afternoon, where CNN’s Lucy Pawle was reporting in London. She claims she happened to come across the Gay Pride Parade and noticed the supposed ISIS flag in the crowd. So she took some photos and sent them back to the network. Pawle then got on the phone and discussed her findings with an anchor.
“All of a sudden, this man, quite distinctive from the rest of the crowd, he was dressed in black and white whereas everyone else was brightly colored … was waving what appeared to be a very bad mimicry, but a very clear attempt to mimic, the ISIS flag,” Pawle said on the air. “The black and white flag with the distinctive lettering.
Pawle added that the writing on the supposed ISIS flag was “clearly not Arabic” and could even be “gobbledygook.” Still, she found it odd that no one else at the parade had noticed the flag before her. She even called local authorities in London, but none of them had any idea there was an alleged ISIS flag roaming around the city.
But as it turns out, there was a good reason no one in England was freaking out about this “ISIS” flag at a Gay Pride event. The supposed “gobbledygook” was actually a group of sexual images, including dildos and butt plugs.
The rest of the segment featured Pawle and a security expert discussing the possible implications of an ISIS flag at a Gay Pride event. Clearly, neither they nor the anchor realized that the flag was actually made up of dildos.
Unsurprisingly, CNN has since removed video of the segment from its website, though it still survives on YouTube. And naturally, it has quickly gone viral on social media.
Larry Wilmore addressed the nation last night with his take on the nationwide debate over the Confederate flag. In the wake of the deadly church shooting in South Carolina, Governor Nikki Haley called for the removal of the the flag from the capital building grounds. On The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, the comedian made comedically solemn points about why the states should just “take the damn flag down.” In a tone clearly influenced by his eight years at Comedy Central’s The Daily Show, he explained the history of the flag that represented the Civil War’s seceded rebels. Citing the South’s then-Vice President’s Corner-Stone speech, called such being the cornerstone of the rebellious faction, he reminded us that the Confederacy’s government was based on “the great truth that the negro is not equal to the white man.”
Wilmore’s suggestion? Take the flag down now and debate why you should put it back up later. Check it out.
Comedy Central will give Jon Stewart a 42-day long send-off with a nonstop Daily Show marathon. “Your Month of Zen” begins today at noon and will last until Stewart’s final episode on Aug. 6. Comedy Central will stream every single episode of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart on the show’s website and on the Comedy Central App. That’s over 2,000 episodes! You’ll see everything from the satirist’s first words to his tearful September 11th commentary to his ridiculous hijinks with Conan O’Brien and Stephen Colbert during the 2008 Writer’s Strike.
The marathon will feel like a shock to the system when you see some of the old Daily Show correspondents who have long since retired from the Emmy Award-winning show and have moved on to their own illustrious film and television careers. Younger versions of Steve Carell, Rob Riggle, Josh Gad, Rob Corddry, Samantha Bee, Ed Helms and, of course, John Oliver and Stephen Colbert can be seen during the month of July. “Your Month of Zen” is a fitting tribute to Jon Stewart’s 16-year plus tenure behind arguably one of the most influential television desks in American politics. Go, now, and open the Comedy Central App or visit thedailyshow.com/monthofzen and relive your favorite Daily Show moments!
Anthony Anderson’s Mom Has Amazing Answer On ‘Celebrity Family Feud’! Watch Video Of Doris Bowman Saying A Naked Magician Would Pull A Rabbit Out Of ‘His Nuts’
Family Feud fans had to expect that the celebrity edition would feature some outrageous survey questions and answers. And Sunday’s premiere did not disappoint. But it was Anthony Anderson‘s mom, Doris Bowman, who stole the show, especially when asked, “Name something a nude magician might pull a rabbit out of.”
“Hat” ended up being the most popular survey answer, and “behind” was up there, as well. But Doris had a much more interesting response: “His nuts.”
Celebrity Family Feud host Steve Harvey could barely control himself when he heard this response, but Anthony Anderson‘s mom continued to defend her answer. “He’s naked,” she repeated. And this set off a hilarious back and forth between Doris and her famous son.
Anderson replied: “Yes mama, but it’s a family show. And mama, if you see a man pull something out of his nuts, you gonna have to call [my brother] Derrick ’cause he’s an EMT. It ain’t right.”
“Well what else is he going to pull it out of?” Bowman fired back.
“Use common sense, mama,” Anderson pleaded.
But Bowman remained defiant that her answer was a good one. “Nuts is common sense,” she concluded. “The man is naked.”
Anderson was proven correct, as “nuts” was not one of the top survey answers for this Celebrity Family Feud question. But Anderson and his family did end up winning the round.
Sadly, while Anthony Anderson and his family may have won America’s hearts on Celebrity Family Feud, they didn’t win the grand prize. They lost to Toni Braxton and her relatives, who went on to win $25,000 for their favorite charity, Lupus LA.
Hannibal Buress finally has his own Comedy Central series. Why? With Hannibal Buress premieres on July 8. After co-hosting The Eric Andre Show on Adult Swim and starring in Broad City, Buress will answer life’s most pressing question, “Why?” on his weekly half-hour topical series. Why? will feature stand-up, filmed segments, man-on-the-street interviews, in-studio guests and the comedian’s general musings on the week’s topic, whether it be olive oil or the National Spelling Bee. Comedy Central execs ordered eight episodes for the show’s first season. Watch this preview into Buress’s mind below while he walks around looking like a boss.
Barack Obama Uses ‘N-word’ On ‘WTF With Marc Maron’ Podcast; President Also Discusses Racism And Gun Control After Charleston Church Shooting
Marc Maron‘s highly-anticipated podcast interview with Barack Obama is going viral after the President used the “n-word” to make a point. Obama was speaking about the Charleston church shootings when he noted that racism still exists in America today.
“Racism, we are not cured of it,” President Obama said on Maron’s WTF Podcast. “And it’s not just a matter of it not being polite to say n—-r in public. That’s not the measure of whether racism still exists or not. It’s not just a matter of overt discrimination. Societies don’t, overnight, completely erase everything that happened 200 to 300 years prior.”
President Barack Obama‘s use of the “n-word” comes just days after a 21-year-old white man, Dylann Storm Roof, allegedly shot and killed nine African-Americans during their Bible study at a historically-black church. The shootings are believed to be racially-motivated, and an apparent manifesto detailing Roof’s racist views has since surfaced online. But despite the Charleston church shootings, Obama insisted that things have gotten better for African-Americans over the past few decades.
“I always tell young people, in particular, do not say that nothing has changed when it comes to race in America, unless you’ve lived through being a black man in the 1950s or ’60s or ’70s,” the President told Marc Maron. It is incontrovertible that race relations have improved significantly during my lifetime and yours.”
Unsurprisingly, the shootings have also brought up the topic of gun control in America. The number of mass shootings in the U.S. has led to calls for laws limiting who can legally purchase a gun. And while Barack Obama’s use of the “n-word” on the WTF Podcast has drawn most of the headlines, the President also made sure to emphasize the need for new gun legislation during his Marc Maron interview.
“I’ve done this way too often,” Obama told the comedian. “During the course of my presidency it feels as if a couple times a year I end up having to speak to the country and speak to a particularly community about a devastating loss … But part of the point I wanted to make is, it’s not enough just to feel bad. There are actions that could be taken to make events like this less likely. And one of those actions we could take would be to enhance some basic, common-sense gun safety laws.”
But while President Obama does see progress in racism over the past few decades, he doubts the Charleston church shooting will move the needle on gun control.
“Is there a way of accommodating that legitimate set of traditions with some common sense stuff that prevents a 21-year-old, who is angry about something, or confused about something, or is racist or is deranged, from going into a gun store and suddenly is packin’, and can do enormous harm,” the President concluded to Marc Maron. “And that’s something we’ve ever fully come to terms with. Unfortunately the grip of the NRA on Congress is extremely strong. I don’t foresee any legislative action in this Congress.”
Listen to Barack Obama’s interview with Marc Maron, including the President’s use of the “n-word,” here.
Doh! When it was recently announced that Harry Shearer would be leaving The Simpsons after 26 years, mega-fans were feeling a bit more than what a mere annoyed grunt could express. It’s not just the fact that Shearer is departing – following what amounts to virtually an entire career lifetime with one series, it’s reasonable to expect that the stars will want to retire gracefully and move on when the timing is right. What’s really disturbing about this revelation is the fact that Simpsons producer James L. Brooks countered by insisting that the series would continue on without Shearer. Um, what? They’re planning to continue producing episodes without Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Mr. Burns, Smithers, Reverend Lovejoy, Otto, Kent Brockman, Lenny, and…. ugh, I can’t go on, if I try to type them all my fingers will fall off. Or, even worse, what if they replace these roles with a far inferior voicing source? It’s a prospect even more horrifying than Mr. Burns’ gigantic sun-blocker. (More on that below).
So, just in case future episodes wind up coming out with wrong-sounding Shearer characters (like when Mr. Burns held auditions for the role of himself in his Springfield Film Festival entry, remember?), I’ve collected memories from some of my favorite classic episodes with a Shearer character at the forefront. This is by no means a definitive list; I expect to see a lot of grumbling about which episodes were left out, and which lines overlooked. The fact is, there are simply far too many Shearer Shiners™ to compile into one all-encompassing list. Unfortunately, it’s hard to find viable clips that can be embedded successfully into a list, too; if you have access to Simpsons World, feel free to watch along by logging in with your – or, more likely, your mom’s – cable account credentials. (Each episode is helpfully linked below).
Here presented, in no particular order of ranking, are some of my favorite Shearer-lead memories from the series that shaped so much of what I, and millions of millennials and Gen-Xers just like me, find funny to our core-diddly-ores.
Original Air Date: December 29, 1996 (season 8)
Synopsis: As Springfield’s resident Charlie Church, it’s hard to imagine Ned Flanders and family ever feeling the wrath of God. But that’s exactly what happens when Hurricane Barbara blows through town, relocating a bowling alley to the sky and completely obliterating Casa de Flanders. All of Springfield tries to pitch in and help rebuild the Flanders home, but, well, what would you expect the outcome to be if you let the likes of Homer Simpson and Clancy Wiggum build you a house from scratch? Ned, the perpetual goody two-shoes, is driven insane with anger and right into the waiting arms of the Springfield mental institution, where we learn that his seemingly endless tolerance for all things irritating is actually the result of an experimental “spankological” therapy, requested by his clueless Beatnik parents after they were unable to stave the young Flanders’ boyhood temper. This revelatory flashback is responsible for one of the most oft-quoted lines of the show: “You gotta help us, Doc. We’ve tried nothing, and we’re all out of ideas!”
Shearer Shiner: Watching Flanders’ nice guy mask slowly crack as he completely loses it and blows up at all the citizens of Springfield is perhaps the most explosive moment of catharsis that the series ever produced. Clip here.
Original Air Date: April 27, 1997 (season 8)
Synopsis: It’s hard out here for a pimp, and nobody knows that better than Reverend Timothy Lovejoy. Serving as Springfield’s sole man of the cloth, Reverend Lovejoy has been pimping the word of God since the late ’70s, but ended up losing his passion for preaching after the repeated and clingy requests for spiritual counsel from Ned Flanders wore him down. A natural listener and sympathizer, Marge steps into his place by becoming the church’s “listen lady,” providing over-the-phone and in-person therapy sessions to the town’s neediest souls. But when she gives some bad advice to Flanders, he winds up surrounded by a rabid gang of murderous baboons, and it’s up to Reverend Lovejoy to ride in on the zoo train and save the day. (Not to mention Flanders’ skin from being eaten).
Shearer Shiner: Reverend Lovejoy’s sermon on literally tackling demons has the entire congregation enraptured. Church rarely gets as exciting as apes flying through the air, like two hairy footballs.
Original Air Date: April 28, 1994 (season 5)
Synopsis: This episode could also be remembered as “the one with the dog in the vent.” With no other interesting prospects, Bart brings the Simpson family dog, Santa’s Little Helper, to school for show-and-tell, and through a series of hijinks costs his arch-nemesis, Principal Skinner, his job. Though no natural ally to Skinner and his army-saturated brand of authoritarian discipline, Bart feels bad about getting his principal fired, and ends up befriending Skinner until the beleaguered educator gets back on his feet. The best part of this episode is learning that the two opposing forces have more in common with each other than first thought: Bart finds himself rather dismayed at the chaos that ensues when Ned Flanders and his laissez-faire attitude toward punishment take over the school, and Skinner is seen impishly pinning a “Teach Me” sign to the back of Bart’s shirt after they hug goodbye.
Shearer Shiner: Skinner lays out his idea for the great American novel to Apu. “Mine is about a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques. I call it ‘Billy and the Cloneasaurus’.”
Original Air Date: October 21, 1993 (season 5)
Synopsis: Life sure is tough for Springfield’s oldest, wealthiest resident. Not only is Mr. Burns universally despised and reviled (by everybody but Smithers, of course), but he’s had to lead a very long and sad existence devoid of his beloved childhood teddy bear, Bobo. In this episodic tribute to Citizen Kane, we learn that even the most powerful among us are susceptible to weakness, as Mr. Burns goes to extreme lengths to reclaim the long lost Bobo from his new owner, Maggie Simpson. Eventually, he’s successful in this endeavor, but not because he cut off the town’s beer and cable supply, unleashing a mob upon the Simpson homestead; rather, it’s the simple, pure generosity from the littlest Simpson herself that results in Bobo’s return to Burns’ rail-thin arms. (Then again, maybe this exchange is what prompted her to shoot him all those years later…)
Shearer Shiner: After the Ramones have finished singing “Happy Birthday” to Mr. Burns: “Smithers, have the Rolling Stones killed!” “But sir…” “Do as I say!” (Kind of ironic now, since all four of the original Ramones are lying cold in their graves, while Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, approximately aged 121 and 138, respectively, continue to rock on).
Original Air Date: September 28, 1997 (season 9)
Synopsis: Undoubtedly one of the most controversial episodes of all time, The Principal and the Pauper is also known as the one where we find out that Principal Skinner is actually a completely different person. And has been, this whole time: throughout the entire series, up until this point. If that’s not enough of a mind-fuck, this imposter is revealed to be Armin Tamzarian – a formerly no-good street punk whose dreams all involved combing his hair. When he was shipped off to Vietnam and witnessed what he believed to be the death of his superior/mentor, Sargent Seymour Skinner, Tamzarian hopped the next plane to Springfield, intending to deliver the bad news to Skinner’s mother in person. Instead, she mistook him for her supposedly dead son, and Tamzarian found himself playing along: the rest being proverbial history. It takes the real Sargent Skinner seemingly rising from the dead for Tamzarian to cop to his true identity – and in the process, forces the citizens of Springfield to decide what qualities they really value in their beloved elementary school principal.
Shearer Shiner: Left to his own devices, Armin Tamzarian takes a job as a sandwich board promoter for a strip club. He performs his duties in deadpan, reading from a script: “Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes. These ladies aren’t even wearing a smile. Nod suggestively.”
Original Air Date: May 21, 1995, and September 17, 1995 (seasons 6 and 7)
Synopsis: Who remembers desperately trying to figure out which murderous Springfield-ian could have pulled the trigger on old man Burns? It was the summer of 1995, and we were all awash with suspects: Moe, Barney, Grampa Simpson, Smithers. And then there was Homer, whose explosive anger over his boss’s inability to remember his name was the stuff that gunshots are made of. But really, it could have been anybody: part one showed Burns in the act of crushing Springfield Elementary, building a gigantic device intended to permanently block out the sun, and even attempting to take candy from a baby. Fitting, then, that he would meet his rampage’s end with searing lead fired by none other than Maggie Simpson. More than a few people were outraged by this eventual outcome, but after letting go of Bobo, maybe Maggie was determined not to acquiesce her lollipop, also, to the greedy and (literally) grasping maniacal billionaire.
Shearer Shiner: He’s gone mad with power! Even the unceasingly loyal Mr. Smithers is cast aside in the process. This line sums it up perfectly: “With Smithers out of the way, I was free to wallow in my own crapulence.”
Original Air Date: February 26, 1996 (season 7)
Synopsis: Leaving Homer Simpson in charge of Smithers’ 900 + tasks as Mr. Burns’ assistant? What could possibly go wrong? Literally everything. When Smithers has a mental breakdown, Mr. Burns insists that he take along-overdue, much needed vacation. Filling in as his replacement is our hero Homer, who Smithers believes he has selected as the perfect incompetent nincompoop, sure to fail Mr. Burns in every conceivable way and thus pose no real threat to Smithers’ beloved occupation. But what Waylon didn’t count on was Homer’s violent temper – the likes of which causes him to sock Burns in his 104-year-old face, rendering the formidable miser so frightened of Homer that he’s forced to take up his own care and responsibilities. The result is an autonomous, self-reliant Burns, who finds he no longer needs Smithers at all. Turns out, Smithers has a little Homer inside him, too (see above photo).
Shearer Shiner: Smithers, on Burns’ mom: “She’s 122; all she can do is dial and yell. Mr. Burns can’t stand talking to his mother – he never forgave her for having that affair with President Taft.”
Original Air Date: April 23, 1992 (season 3)
Synopsis: “I hope the Spinal Taps don’t play too loud!” Don’t worry, Marge – their set barely lasts through two songs. But it’s just enough time for comedy nerds everywhere to rejoice at this delicious crossover: Harry Shearer, reprising his role as Derek Smalls in This is Spinal Tap, joins Christopher Guest and Michael McKean in the greatest yellow-skinned reunion of all time. It’s this aborted concert that makes Bart want to become a heavy metal god; but its the influence of Otto Mann, who moves in temporarily with the Simpsons after losing his school bus driver job, that demonstrates how taking responsibility for a less-than-glamorous gig might not actually be such a bad gig after all. “Wow, I’ve never been called an adult before. I’ve been tried as one, but…” Well said, Mr. Mann.
Shearer Shiner: C’mon: did you really think we were gonna pick anything but the Spinal Tap in Springfield scene? This episode goes to 11. (Clip here).
Original Air Date: April 9, 1995 (season 6)
Synopsis: This is maybe the best and cutest double-whammy Disney spoof to have ever graced this Earth. With a plethora of adorable puppies, the entire plot pays tribute to 101 Dalmatians, but it’s Mr. Burns trademark “Be Our Guest” rendition that proves best in show. In short: Santa’s Little Helper goes into heat and gets a bit randy, knocks up a fellow rejected racetrack greyhound, and gives the Simpsons 25 furry additions to their family. (Twenty-six if you count Santa’s Little Helper’s “bitch.”) Mr. Burns kidnaps the puppies and schemes to turn them into a greyhound tuxedo, joining his gorilla-chest-vest and gofer loafers in a wardrobe embroidered out of pure evil. Predictably, Shearer absolutely kills with his show-stopping, mid-episode “See My Vest” number, and it’s probably safe to assume that those of us who owned Songs in the Key of Springfield still know every word by heart.
Shearer Shiner: If I didn’t put “See My Vest” here, I’d be morally obligated to strangle myself with a pair of Mr. Burns’ grizzly bear underwear. Ohhhhhh please won’t you see! my! vest!
Original Air Date: February 13, 2000 (season 11)
Synopsis: This was the kind of episode that you’d hoped would somehow resolve itself by the conclusion, but it never did. Maude Flanders really died, tragically. Ned really became a widower. Rod and Todd really lost their mother. Somehow, digging through the pitch black source material, the writers – and naturally Shearer – make this one count, in a big way. In between the unexpected laughs (but still expected, because, ya know, The Simpsons) is a motherlode of heart. Reverend Lovejoy says it best when he eulogizes the much-loved wife and mother: “In many ways, Maude Flanders was a supporting player in our lives. She didn’t grab our attention with memorable catchphrases, or comical accents. But, whether you noticed her or not, Maude was always there; and we always thought she would be.”
Shearer Shiner: Sympathizing with Ned as he starts to pick up the pieces and move on is as touching as it is comically executed. And Shearer hits every note just right in this episode, from start to finish.
Original Air Date: January 12, 1997 (season 8)
Synopsis: As you may have begun to pick up on, season 8 has a lot of outstanding Shearer episodes. Narrowing it down to the three that made this list wasn’t easy. I would have loved to have included the Larry Burns episode, since it’s one of my all-time favorites, but I realized that roughly 95% of my love stemmed from Rodney Dangerfield’s performance alone. “The Springfield Files” makes the cut for two reasons: 1. It’s the X-Files episode, y’all! and; 2. Mr. Burns gets to steal the show by being revealed as the “alien” Moulder and Scully were called in to investigate. We also learn something integral about Burns’ character: he undergoes a process every Friday night designed to cheat death for another week. Guess this means old man Burns won’t be expiring along with Shearer’s contract, eh?
Shearer Shiner: “I bring you loveeeeee. I bring you peeeeaccceeeeee.”
12. The Joy of Sect
Original Air Date: February 8, 1998 (season 9)
Synopsis: Holy hell! All of Springfield has abandoned Christianity (and Hindu and Judaism, if you’re Apu and Krusty) and joined up with the Movementarians, a fanatical religious cult devoted to harvesting lima beans and chanting “na na na na na na na na Leader!” Everyone, that is, but diehard Jesus freaks like Reverend Lovejoy and Ned Flanders. For the second time in less than a year – see “In Marge We Trust,” above – Lovejoy springs into action to help save innocents trapped by barbarism. Last time the key to salvation was monkey-punching. This time it’s……HOVER-BIKES!
Shearer Shiner: Lovejoy and Flanders team up with Marge to de-program the Simpson children. The thing that finally breaks the Leader’s spell? Yup, you got it: Hover-bikes. (Does Shearer have someone on staff paid to follow him around, doing the hover-bike noise? I sure hope so).
Original Air Date: January 10, 1999 (season 10)
Synopsis: “Jeez, Flanders; you’re 60 years old and you’ve never lived a day in your life.” This is the one where we find out that, through a commitment to clean living and daily worship, Flanders has reached his senior citizenship while retaining a youthful appearance. Realizing that he’s maybe been just a bit overly cautious, Flanders employs the help of Homer to cut loose and dirty. The two wind up in Las Vegas, and the sin quickly kicks in…. all the way to the altar, where a night filled with white wine spritzers leads them to marry a couple of showgirl floozies in a drunken stupor. It all ends in one giant chase scene, with Homer and Ned crawling home to their real wives, and the Vegas ladies snuggling up to Siegfried and Roy. Though, not for long, we have to assume.
Shearer Shiner: One could not soon forget the sight of a totally wasted Flanders on the wedding video, slurring “I okily… dokily… smokily do!”
Woman Wakes From Surgery Thinking Her Hands Are Pac-Man And Ghost! Video Shows Jenn Packham’s Breakdown When She Believes ‘Pac-Man’ Will Be Killed By The Monsters
The clip apparently took place after Packham’s leg surgery this month. She started out thinking her left hand was Pac-Man, so she moved him through an imaginary maze – complete with sound effects. But things got emotional when she realized a ghost (aka her right hand) was about to devour Pac-Man.
She then started breaking down, fearing ‘Pac-Man’ will be killed by the ‘ghost.’ But another person in the room turned her left hand away from her right one, ensuring ‘Pac-Man’ could survive.
A person claiming to be Jenn Packham’s friend wrote on Reddit that it was Packham’s mother who saved ‘Pac-Man’ from the ‘ghost.’ The pal also said that the video was taken just as Packham was waking up from anesthesia.
According to Packham’s Facebook page, the woman who thought her hands were Pac-Man characters is a Utah native studying to be a dental assistant. And she is apparently doing well post-surgery, though she is a bit surprised at her newfound Internet fame. As her FB friends noted that the video was going viral on Reddit and YouTube, she posted a screenshot of the famous Bob’s Burgers quote, “My heart just pooped its pants.”
Fans of WTF with Marc Maron are already excited about his upcoming episode with President Barack Obama. Marc Maron announced on Thursday that the President will be his next podcast guest for what may become the most downloaded podcast episode of all time. Two New York City comedians made some memes anticipating how Maron’s Obama interview will go using many of the host’s WTF tropes. Chris Calogero and Emily Winter nailed it! What do you think? Did they miss any?
Marc Maron has snagged arguably the biggest podcast guest ever of not just his own show, but of any podcast. Monday’s guest on WTF with Marc Maron will be President Barack Obama. The Obama episode is expected to be the biggest WTF episode ever. It may possibly become the most downloaded podcast episode of all time. “This is a big day for our country, for me and for my cats,” said Maron. “I’m calling it the WTF Summit. I hope he’s cool with that.”
It’s also a big day for podcasting. Podcasts, a once-unknown medium, have have risen drastically in popularity over the past five years. Recent research suggests approximately 46 million Americans listen to podcasts. That’s nearly 1-in-5 people. Recent successes of shows like NPR’s Serial have helped explode the amount of people listening to podcasts and advertisers spending money on them.
WTF with Marc Maron is one of the most popular podcasts out there, with over five million downloads each month. The Maron star, who began the podcast in 2009 out of desperation when his career was heading in a less-than-desirable direction, has interviewed comedy’s biggest names including Louis C.K., Judd Apatow, Amy Schumer and the late Robin Williams. In over 600 episodes produced with partner Brendan McDonald, he’s moved on to interview rock stars and movie directors like Mick Jagger and Paul Thomas Anderson. And on Friday, he records with the President.
Marc Maron will not be visiting the White House in Washington, D.C. No, no. President Obama will be heading down to the Cat Ranch. Zach Galifianakis had to set up Between Two Ferns in the Oval Office when he chatted with Obama in his hilarious Funny Or Die video. But the White House reached out to the podcast pioneer to schedule an interview while the President is in Los Angeles for a fundraiser. So what better way to do WTF than to join Maron in the garage?
The episode will be presented without any commercial breaks. Instead, the episode will be very-publicly sponsored by Squarespace.com. Frequent listeners of the podcast know that the show’s host is not shy about hawking various products from Adam & Eve to Audible multiple times throughout a show. The commercial-free episode will almost feel like the old days of the podcast before it became the juggernaut that it is today. Almost, because this time he’ll be talking to the President of the United States.
President Obama’s WTF episode will launch on Monday, June 22. I can only imagine how many times Maron tells the Secret Service guys, “Come on, man. Don’t touch that. Please?”
Late Show with Stephen Colbert won’t premiere until September but the late night host is wasting no time getting involved in the 2016 presidential election. Following Donald Trump’s Tuesday announcement that he’ll be running for the nation’s highest office, Stephen Colbert was rolled out to a podium to make his own announcement. The comedian announced that he will still be hosting Late Show on CBS!
Okay, well, we already knew that. Colbert’s over-six-minute video was mimicking Donald Trump’s long, rambling, repetitive announcement. Typical of the Colbert Report Stephen we fondly remember, he tackled the Celebrity Apprentice host’s absurdity. “I agree with Donald that America is dead—buried in a coffin,” he said. Colbert claimed that The Donald will make not only this country great again, but late night television as well. “Trump is the only man who can dig up the corpse of that nation and marry it.”
Watch Colbert’s fauxnouncement below and try to keep track of his many outlandish claims, including, “I would have defeated fictional robo-Hitler.”
Late Show with Stephen Colbert premieres on CBS on Sept. 8.
New England Patriots fans are glad that Tom Brady’s quarterbacking skills are much better than his hip hop dancing. Brady showed off his awkward dance style on Sunday, grooving to “Trap Queen” and a hit from Migos after he and his teammates received their Super Bowl rings.
The Patriots held a big party this weekend at owner Robert Kraft’s house, where they had some fun before and after receiving their new rings. Rapper Wiz Khalifa was even there to provide the soundtrack as the players got down on the dance floor. Some, like tight end Rob Gronkowski, looked right at home grooving to songs like “Trap Queen.”
Even Kraft himself got in on the fun (sort of).
Tom Brady, meanwhile, also danced to “Handsome And Wealthy” by Migos. And based on his awkward moves, he won’t be signing up for Dancing With The Stars anytime soon.
Fans quickly took to Twitter to comment on Tom Brady’s decidedly awkward dancing to Migos and “Trap Queen.” At least the quarterback has his good looks, gorgeous wife and millions of dollars to fall back on.
Tom Brady playing the role of the little kid at every wedding who tries to dance with the adults https://t.co/HUfQTxB5PV
— The FF Comedy Hour (@TheFFComedyHr) June 15, 2015
— Kevin Aldrich (@KevAldrich3) June 15, 2015
When Tom Brady wasn’t embarrassing himself on the dance floor, he was showing off his new Super Bowl ring to the crowd. The bling features four mini-Lombardi trophies, in honor of the Patriots’ four SB wins this decade. It also includes some of coach Bill Belichick’s team mottos, including, “Do Your Job” and “We Are All Patriots.”
— New England Patriots (@Patriots) June 15, 2015
— New England Patriots (@Patriots) June 15, 2015
“New England Patriots, Super Bowl champions,” Kraft said at the dance-filled Super Bowl party. “Doesn’t that have a nice ring to it.”
John Oliver, Jack Warner Feud Heats Up! After Trinidad And Tobago Videos, ‘Last Week Tonight’ Literally Fires Back At Former FIFA VP
John Oliver’s repeated takedowns of FIFA have made him the enemy of the organization former Vice President Jack Warner. After the two men went back and forth on Trinidad and Tobago television last week, the Last Week Tonight host fired back Sunday night – literally.
Oliver’s first ranted against FIFA last year, and the video quickly went viral. So when FIFA officials were finally arrested last month on corruption charges, Oliver took the opportunity to slam the organization once again. He also promised that if FIFA sponsors Adidas, McDonald’s and Bud Lite could convince embattled president Sepp Blatter to resign, Oliver would tout their worst products on-air (Blatter later did step down, and Oliver stuck to his word).
But John Oliver was not done there. Last week, he purchased airtime on Trinidad and Tobago’s TV6 station and used it to air an ad called “The Mittens Of Disapproval Are On.” The title was a parody of Warner’s PSA“The Gloves Are Off,” where he argued FIFA money influenced Trinidad’s 2010 election. Oliver’s video, meanwhile demanded that the Trinidadian Warner release all the evidence he has against FIFA.
“I am begging you, release everything,” Oliver demanded to Jack Warner “Here’s my argument: Why the hell not? It’s not like you’re not already potentially in a lot of trouble. Seriously, I’ve been looking through the indictment, and good luck with that.
Jack Warner (who you may remember as the guy who thought The Onion was a serious news source) responded with his own video. He even slammed John Oliver as an “American foreigner.”
“I don’t need any advice from any comedian fool who does not enter this country to tell me what facts to release or not to release,” Warner said to Oliver. “That is not his business. I take no instructions from him.”
So it was no surprise that John Oliver fired back on Sunday’s Last Week Tonight. And he refused to take Warner’s comments as a diss.
“‘Comedian fool?’ That’s not an insult, that’s literally my business card,” Oliver said. “If you really want to insult me, you’ve got plenty to work with here. Why not say I look like the reflection of Harry Potter in a doorknob?”
John Oliver then mocked Jack Warner’s poorly-produced ad, especially its overly-dramatic music. Oliver noted that the song Warner used, “Ash” by The Secession, is literally the first Google result for the search phrase “epic and dramatic music” (see for yourself). And Oliver ended his response with one final message, complete with crazy pyro behind him.
“To you, I say this, Jack: If you really want to continue to trade s–t-talking videos with increasingly high production elements, then consider your challenge accepted, my friend,” Oliver concluded. “… Either respond to me by this time next week with a more spectacular video than this or I will accept your graceless defeat.”
Not surprisingly, our money’s on John Oliver to win this video battle.
Video of the worst Frisbee throws ever is going viral. The clip shows two men, reportedly from Bosnia, who seem to have no clue how to properly toss the disc.
The video, which appeared on LiveLeak and has now gone viral on Reddit, features two grown men tossing a Frisbee in the water. But instead of gliding it the normal way, they for some reason decide it would be more fun to literally throw the disc at each other.
Unsurprisingly, the results don’t go well. The disc often lands in the water between them rather than sailing into their hands. One little boy even makes sure to keep his distance from these worst Frisbee throws ever.
The video title claims these two men are from Bosnia, and Reddit commenters claim the beach in question is in Croatia. But neither of these reports have not been confirmed. Either way, there is heavy debate over whether the players are making the worst Frisbee throws ever on purpose, or whether they really don’t know how to play the ubiquitous college game. Some on Reddit think it really is possible that the apparent Bosnians had never seen the game before.
“Believe it or not, there’s this weird segment of people who just never laid hands on a frisbee growing up,” user MisterMcGuffin wrote after seeing the worst Frisbee throws ever video. “Back in the day when the wife and I first got a Wii, I cued up Frisbee Golf and was amazed to find that the mechanics of tossing a circular disc were completely foreign to her. It went something just like what you see here.”
InfamousAngel_added: “I dont even think they are trolling, the guy on the left has a face at one point that says ‘i hope nobody is watching us play with this stupid fucking thing.”
But others are convinced that the men do know how to play with the disc properly. Instead, they may be trolling those watching them or purposely trying to see who can throw the Frisbee better with the worst technique. Redditor beesk wrote, “My friends and I did this at the beach all the time. Go and throw a football with your weak arm and laugh as people sit there and judge you for being terrible.”
Added_ThePalmtopTiger_: “I want to believe that this was a stunt they orchestrated in order to convince the young boy in the foreground that this is actually the correct way to throw a frisbee.”
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